Friday, October 5, 2007

Cleaning Out My Closet.

Salam.

I took a few moments before I made my decision to write on this.
Rather feel scared than letting the whole world to know who exactly I am, is the sole feeling that dwelling inside me.

I took a deep sigh and trying to recollect every single detail about my past life.
The life that I’ve tried really hard to forget, but I just couldn’t.
Somehow, God doesn’t want me to forget who I am.
The memories will always be with me.
I wrote sins, not memories.

Skeleton in the closet.
But for my case, it’s not only ‘skeleton’... but ‘skeletons’.
Damn me. I never be proud with myself.
I am a helpless bitch who lurking in the world of conventional phony.
My presence is completely unnoticeable.
I am an absentee.
I never regret the fact that I am nobody but me.


I am a bad girl.
I never took others feeling as important to me.
Hey, to tell you the truth, before this… I am the black sheep of my family.
Poor my parents they had to endure the pain… me, the unfilial daughter…
I did everything, almost everything that it takes to achieve my goal.
Illegal became legal to me.
Enough said that I am a really baaaaaad girl.

But as I grow older, I just knew that somehow I need to change.
I hurt peoples who trust me.
I broke their hearts.
I alienated them from my life.
My life is so secluded.
I am trying really hard to cleaning out my closet.
It is so pathetic but thinking of the fact that one day ahead, we will definitely die and face the judgment day, make me really scared.
I have to clean the mess.
Throw away as far as I could the ugliness inside me.
Mending back the heart that once I purposely broke.

I feel like crying.
I am so sorry for those peoples who once I had disappointed them.
It was just me.
I know that although I have changed, but they will still remember the mean Hyatt, malicious, undisputedly snobbish me, arrogant, heartless. They will just remember it.

I just hope and pray that there will still be a place for me to repent.

I’m cleaning out my closet…

:: I got some skeletons in my closet and I don't know if no one knows it, so before they thrown me inside my coffin and close it, I’m gonna expose it… ::

No comments :