Wednesday, August 29, 2007
petang yg indah.sambil mengunyah oreo yg penuh rasa,hati saya sakit.
bila mengenangkan,ada antara pembaca blog saya yg bersemangat komunis.penikam dari belakang.
pengecut.bersekongkol dgn kejahatan.
iblis bertopengkan topeng power ranjes.jahat.
tak sangka betul.saya ingat kamu orang baik,krn kamu spt org baik.tp betullah kt mak,biasanya org yg nampak baik nilah yg sebenar2nya jahat mcm...
knp kamu jd begini?
saya cuba memahami knp kamu berbuat begitu...
kalau sy jadi kamu,tentu saya malu...
saya menulis blog untuk suka2,menghiasi hari2 saya.tetapi kamu rupa2nya pembaca setia blog saya.
apa yg saya tulis,secepat kilat pula org yg tak sepatutnya x tahu,jadi tahu...
kamu minat sgtkah dgn hidup saya?
saya percaya kamu..
tapi kamu pula jadi hantu...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
:: mak ngah,una and abah..thanxs coz sudi berpanas2an..::
Monday, August 27, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
matamu gunanya untuk apa?
bibirmu gunanya untuk apa?
telingamu gunanya untuk apa?
lidahmu gunanya untuk apa?
tanganmu gunanya untuk apa?
kakimu gunanya untuk apa?
jiwamu gunanya untuk apa?
akalmu gunanya untuk apa?.....
**nantinya...disaat kamu perlukan peluang dan kemaafan, baru kamu akan rasai perit dan azabnya mendengarkan kebenaran...**
A two-day back to back from Batu Pahat to Kuala Lumpur is not as fun as it sounds.
Penat, lenguh and all those physicals tiresome menyerang saya.
Yesterday ( Saturday) saya droveall the way from Batu Pahat to Kuala Lumpur (Serdang) to get my graduation robe. I thought that it was going to be fun, but it was a total disaster!!
Saya bertolak dari rumah jam 6.15 pagi. Sejuk sgt dan cuaca mendung. And, sesampainya sahaja saya di area Pagoh, hujan turun dgn selebat2nya. Uuuuu…saya dahlah kurang nampak ketika hujan lebat, memaksa saya memperlahankan pemanduan. Hajat dihati mahu saja saya speed sesuka rasa tetapi mengenangkan yg pemanduan saya mungkin berakhir di tempat2 yg tak sepatutnya maka saya pun mematikan harsat tersebut. Perjalanan diteruskan dgn kelajuan tahap pemandu jenama ‘P’.
Tepat jam 8.00 pagi saya tiba di UPM (universiti terchenta) dan terus menjemput en.bear.perasaan mmg bercampur baur.gumbira, takut dan mcm2lah. HuHu…saya sampai di Fakulti jam 9.45 pagi. Kaunter jubah dibuka jam 9.30pg so I thought I would be among the earliest but my prediction was far from the truth. Students sgt ramai dan beratur panjang hingga ke tasik disebelah Dewan Kuliah Am Pusat (DKAP). Melihatkan pemandangan yang menyesakkan mata ini membuatkan jantung dan darah saya menjadi panas. Hai (yg turut bersama kami) mengeluh panjang. PheWWWwww!
Pusing2 cari parking..nunnnn jauh daripada kaunterjubah. Menapaklah kami didalam terik mentari pagi. Sambil mengomel2 kami pon beratur tanpa keikhlasan dalam hati. Really ridiculous la..we have to certify first the slip pengesahan survey KPT and Alumni UPM sebelum dibenarkan mengambil jubah. Kaunter yg dibuka amatlah cinonet dan petugas yg bertugas, tersangatlah…aduhai…ada 10 orang yg bertugas di kaunter Alumni, 2 menjaga kaunter dan 8 orang lagi (ataupun lebih, saya kurang pasti) mempacking cenderamata daripada pihak Alumni UPM untuk diberikan kpd para graduan. Dah tahu org ramai buatlah kerja cepat sikit,ini tak…terhegeh2..kami yg melihat rasa macam nak bagi makan kasut jer..dahlah terpaksa berpanas terik…berhimpit2 dgn pelajar lain yg kurang ilmu walaupun belajar di universiti. Berasak2, bertolak2, yg paling membakar hati,apabila ada yg memotong queue. Maka terjadilah adegan asak-mengasak, berperang mulut, terkeluarnya perkataan2 saintifik, tidak terkecuali saya dan Hai. HhaaHaaaa…
Bau –bauan yg pelbagai membuatkan sy hamper muntah lumut tapi saya tahankan juga. En.bear hampir2 give up dgn muka yg merah padam. Dalam hati saya berdoa agar segalanya dipermudahkan Allah. Walaupun hati sedang geram dan rasa terkilan dgn pengurusan Alumni yg tidak sistematik, tetapi mengenangkan keindahan bergraduasi membuatkan saya tersenyum kecil. Sabar..sabarrr…. saya memujuk hati sendiri. Adegan tolak menolak terus berlanjutan. Kami sudah seperti sardine cap bulan. Haduuuuhhh…
Hamper 2 jam setengah berdiri di terik panas, kami selesai juga mendapatkan jubah konvo masing2. tiba2 hati diserang sebak. Rasa tidak percaya pula apabila diingat2kan yg saya bakal bergraduasi. 4tahun terasa pantas berlalu. Saya pandang sekeliling. En.bear sibuk mencuba mortar board… Hai membelek2 jubah konvo dan Jule yg sedang menyelongkar pakej graduannya. Saya rasa gembira. Akhirnya kami berjaya juga.
Raptai pada hari rabu ini. Saya tidak sabar mahu menghadiri majlis itu. Seronok ataupun tidak, saya tidak mahu memberikan komen awal.takut kecewa lagi. Kami melangkah meninggalkan perkarangan DKAP melangkah ke parking. Mahu pergi mengisi perut yg sudah berkeroncong. Sambil melangkah, sempat saya menoleh ke arah kumpulan pelajar yg masih berasak di kaunter Bendahari.
Saya ketawa dalam hati….
Thursday, August 16, 2007
saya selalu bangga menjadi sebahagian daripada hdpnya.berkongsi suka duka hidupnya. sy selalu merasa bertuah kerana dianugerahkan Allah anugerah yg terindah ini. dia selalu membuatkan sy merasa..betapa bahagianya menjadi seorang insan yg penting dlm hidupnya...
aLLaaaaaa....sudahlah kau yatt!~Hehe...waa..JiWa Kacau..
sy memang mengong...Lalalala...
“Am I looking good?”
“Yeah… absolutely… you are the most handsome bridegroom I’ve ever seen.”
He smiled cheerfully. He walked to me and he standing still right in front of my eyes.
“I’m so happy…”
Tears were on my cheeks and he wiped it out.
“I’m appreciating this. I’m going to divorce her, but I don’t know when. Maybe, after she gives birth to the new member of the family. You just have to wait. Okay?”
He is going to be married and there is nothing I can do to change the fate.
“Can you cancel it all? Can you marry me? Change the bride? Tell the Tok Kadi that I’m the one who is going to marry you? Not her? Can you? Can you do something about this?”
I cried hysterically. He shook his head, slowly.
“It’s too late,sayang. It’s just too late…”
With a burst of tears I woke up. I looked everything around me with an empty feeling. I looked at the time and it was 6.45 in the morning. I wiped the tears that wet my face then I reached my handphone. With a trembling hand I wrote him a message”
“ I had an awful nightmare. You are going to be married. You leave me without intention and you said that it was too late. I love you so much and I’m begging you, don’t leave me!!”
Within a second he called me.
“Honey it was just a dream…” he said soothingly.
I can’t say anything. Still traumatized from the nightmare all I can do was just crying.
“Listen here. I love you so much and I will never leave you. You are the one for me and you are my girl. Through every laughter and tears. I’m going to marry you n the date that we have promised,okay? Don’tcry, sweetie. It’s gonna be alright. I wanna go to work okay, babe? You take care. I love you…”
I said nothing. I cried. Really hard.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Baru 10 minit saya menghantar entri yg bahagia,dtg pula msg ringkas dari seseorg yg terus melenyapkan ghairah kegembiraan sy..
sy tidak tahu bgmana untuk membantu.dalam hati sy berdoa agar Allah memberikan jalan.
serta merta emosi sy bertukar rupa.sy sgr sedih dan mahu menangis. tp sy pura2 berlagak seperti biasa.
ibu mengesan perubahan wajah sy.namun sy katakan 'takde pape pun..biase ja..'
sy tipu,ibu!sy tipu! sy sgt sedih...!!!
sy kembali ke bilik.hajat mahu menangis tp sy batalkan krn satu lg msg sampai.kali ini sy terus jadi terkesima.hilang arah.
lantasnya sy terduduk.memandang kosong ke ruang legar bilik sy yg mula terasa sempit.
dan sy dpt rasakan titisan jernih membasahi pipi sy...
saat ini..sy kehilangan seseorang yg amat bermakna dalam hidup sy...
he is gone.. forever...
Then… kitorang pergi window shopping. nak kena berjimat cermat..so tengok2 jelah..
for everything I just couldn't do...
And I hurt myself...
by hurting you...
You are the greatest man I have ever known…
You have the purest soul of a human could achieve…
Your patience is gold…
Your diligence is jewel…
The cut that I have marked in your heart, you said it could be healed…
And it suffers me so much I almost died in regret…
I’m so sorry…
You are incredible…
You are the gift from Allah…
:: Eternal happiness, you said...::
A person from Cambridge Education For Life called me yesterday. She said she has already viewed my CV for a couple of times and decided that I’m qualified enough to be short listed for the post of the part time teacher. So she arranged an appointment for me next Monday 12pm at CEFL Subang. “It a test for your teaching proficiency. More like a mock teaching. We select only for those people who really can teach.”
Yeah, like I care!
Frankly speaking, I’m not so much into private education. I don’t know why. It’s a part of educational system too, but I just can’t really work in that circulation. I want to serve for the government. Haha…what a noble ambition. Some of my friends are working there as a teacher, educator, ad some of them find this job really suits them. A big hand for them.
As for me, I rather sit back and enjoy the serenity that I’m living in now. My dedication goes to the teaching in government school. I want to teach those students who really needs me. They are more appreciative than others. We might find that there is a major gap between those who really want to learn with those who have the ability to learn but they mess up much with the teacher.
This is the scenario that always happens when we teach high level students. Some said that teaching high level students may require the teacher to be more assertive, attentive, focus on what they are going to teach, the gist of their teaching, methodology and approach and many more. Well, that quite true. But, who the hell is going to focus on sub-urban or maybe students that come from remote areas if we are paying too much attention to the urban students? They need us more than anybody else does. And here my ambition lies. I wish I could teach my hometown kids. They need a teacher that really focusing on them. Not just teaching them for granted.
Maybe the pay is the major issues. How much money will you make when you work for the government? Compared to the private schooling, it is far from satisfaction. Well, basically, I don’t care although my shopping list does. It’s about the self actualization that I’m going to achieve once I realized how noble it is to teach those students. The appreciation is the important thing. The money is talking, yeah; I do understand living in a world of grand and jewels. But peoples, it is my decision.
So, good bye to the CEFL~ I’m just not cut off to be one of your dedicated staff. Maybe I’m not too good to be one of your staff. I’m just a mediocre future English teacher, who thinks that true satisfaction comes from a great sacrifice. Teacher is like a candle: it is an old saying but as for me I’m willing to be that candle. Think about life in hereafter, it is way too enormous. Alhamdulillah.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Belajar selama 4 tahun untuk mendapatkan segulung Ijazah bukan mudah. You have no idea how tough it is to survive life in University. You will be tested emotionally, mentally and physically. UPM have taught me a lot of things and some of it are better left unsaid.
TESL Batch 2003/2007 is the batch that will be remembered for all the times. It has its own legion and legacy. Notoriously known for everything. Good and bad. Well, not to mention that I’m just a sidekick of the whole bunch of excellent educators and academicians going-to-be. But I’m proud to be part of it.
4 years that have taught me what life is supposed to be. It will go by the road not that we wanted it to be, but what it meant to be. Never expected victory comes from out of the thin air. You have to earn it. Grab it. Seek those opportunities that will not come easily by just standing at the corner of hope and dream. Wake up,babe! You have to move your ass to chase your dream. (Quite a big words huh?)
Thanxs to my roommate Hai, my buddies (this means all the peoples in TESL 2003/2007). You are really great and it’s really an honour to work with you guys.
Not to forget, Mr.Sham a.k.a KETET for always being my best friend and my punch bag. All the punches, pokes, pinches and everything are actually bringing us closed together. You are the first soul I met the very first day I stepped on the sacred UPM ground and with a simple ‘Hi’ we became friend. It’s pretty amazing how life circulation would bring our stories related to each other. Thanks to all.
Hai : Thanks for everything. I’m not such a good friend and I did really badly during those days. I screwed up a lot and ended up regretting myself. I’m sorry caused I’m the one who broke your happiness with him. I can’t hold it really tight. I teased u a lot and sometimes I mocked you in front of others. Those memories are the precious and priceless things that I will always treasure. Thanks, babe.
Niza: You are the best!!!
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
I’m too egocentrism.
I’m changing. I’m too vicious and mean.
See, only a few lines writing in Malay, I have lost my words. I don’t know exactly what I want to write. Words seem flow like a river when I say things or write it in English. (I’m just being show off…Huhu) God spare me. I never wanted it to end this way. I’m always looking for a sign for me to forgive her. But then, again, to no avail. Door of apology seems have been shut. Closed and forever. I don’t know.
Sometimes, we have to walk a struggling road to reach to the top. We might fall a couple of times, maybe hundred times and experiencing endless suffer before we stand on the altar, celebrating our moment of victory in conquering life. Allah never gives us a single chance to grab a moment of joy not until He tests us on various things. And the life that I am leading right now is a journey to my destiny. Eternal happiness, I suppose.
Semoga saya sentiasa dikurniakan hati untuk memaafkan.
Dikurniakan akal untuk membuat pertimbangan.
Dikurniakan hati untuk menyayangi.
Dikurniakan kesabaran untuk mencintai…
This is going to be tough. Starting all over again is really challenging. Now I understand how Dhiey felt when she first removed herself from her first blog. Hurt, eh Dhiey? Tears lolling down my cheeks. Some perverts are spying on my blog which I considered as really confidential and restricted.
Sorry for not quite being myself lately.
For the past few post of my blog, it was not really me who wrote that.
If killing is not a crime, I probably going out there and hunt peoples down to their knees. Really frustrating and heart wrenching to acknowledge those peoples yang tak reti nak menghormati hak asasi sesama manusia. I don’t know why!