Heartache

Salam.

I’ve been thinking to talk about this for so many times, each; I ended up saying that this matter should be buried deep inside my heart. Solely and only to understand that the longer I’m dwelling with this social illness, the worse it may become.

Being a teacher in this new century is way too challenging. Don’t be surprised if your student may hit you shoulder to shoulder without exchanging glance at you or even to greet you. Well, let us just say that time has changed. Indeed, peoples’ perception towards the integrity of a teacher is changing too. People will no longer respect you though you are teaching their kids or even putting your life at the stake for the sake of their child’s education. It’s a sad thing to say. I have to say that this situation is so absurd.

To my students who might have read this,
5 months of being your teacher was really torturing me.
Well some of you are really good and I’m glad to be your teacher. But still, some of you are kinda like a pain in my ass.

Why am I saying this?
Well~
I’m really disappointed when I learned that some of you are making stories about me. At one point, you were like a cute little kitten with shining eyes, begging for tenderness of love and affection, but then, soon as I gave you warm milk~you were throwing shit at me.

I really don’t care. I don’t become a teacher to be liked. I just wanted to teach you, everything I have.

Let me named you some~ well… I better not. :)

(sighs…)

Let me clear this… I have no heart feeling to any of my students.
You are immature, you have no $$$, you are just a lil’lad and plus, you are just not my type. So students, you don’t have to fight over me. I don’t have the slightest desire to have you as my bf/special one.

Yaikhsss….!!

Am I being too harsh?
Nop. I don’t think so.
Well… SPM is just around the corner. I pray for everything to fall in its places.
Asking for forgiveness is not that hard, am I rite? ;)
Or else… let else, let us together hope that 9 will be your grade in SPM… :)

Toodles kids… :)

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Food Hater

Salam.

I’ve been lying on my bed for almost two weeks. Two weeks of doing nothing and less movement (I’ve got sprained ankle remember…) made me looking desperately chubby!!

My fiancé has several times said that I look sexier and irresistibly gorgeous with curve. He insisted of me putting a few more kilos while I’m combating myself to cut off those unwanted flesh.

Well, I’m 52kg now and I’m looking stunningly disgusting.
I’ve put on weight!

Yesterday, I cried myself over those stupid kilos.
To hell with others but for me, I prefer those skinny looks. To be more accurate, I wanted to have Posh Beckham or Kate Moss’s kind of body.

So say ‘goodbye’ with my beloved pastries, chocs and milkshakes~ plus fried chics, pizzas, bolognaise and those stuffs.

I’m going to update this later, I mean, my progress on dieting.
Wish me luck!!! :)

p/s: Remembering the good old days when I’m only 45kg….

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Bitch In Uniform...


Salam...


Another off day for seven days consecutively. Great!~ Hahaaaa….
Well, it’s not, my fault.
I’ve never thought that a simple trip over will cause my ankle to suffer from a great sprain! Say congrats to the hi-heels inventor!

Yesterday, I went to the hospital. I’ve to go through further check up.
And, there, I’ve experienced such a disgusting thing and to this very moment if I try to recall every single details that happened to me yesterday, it will send me to a great anger and frustration.

Reminder to those out there who wants to be a doctor~ IF YOU CAN’T FOLLOW THE 7 ETHICS OF A DOCTOR THEN HELL IS YOUR PLACE!!!!

I was admitted to two young doctors’ wannabe. The first one (NAJUA I guess…) was quite occay. She treated me with mannerism and courtesy. But the other bitch was hell too rude!! Oh my God~ what an arrogant bitch she was!

Occay first- without even looking at my ankle, she started to question about my sprained ankle. And her facial expression was one look.
Maybe she thinks that she is superior enough to act like she knows everything~ one finger up!

Then she asked me whether I can walk or not. This question really getting on my nerves, and I felt I wanted to choke her at the very moment.
Bitch, I came wheel-chaired! Of course walking is a problem for me! Even the fool can tell! She was looking at me as if I’ve committed a big crime. Then, using her pen, she examining my ankle (I mean, not using her hands-fingers) maybe she thinks that her hands will get dirty or what, hell, I don’t care! Then with a very sarcastic tone of voice, she said:
“ala… dulu aku fractured lagi on the tip of my toe… occay jer… boleh jer aku jalan. Bengkak2 kaki aku pg kelas. Takde masalah pun….”
Owhh.. what a statement! Patience. My heart says.

“Kerja apa?...”

“Cikgu…”

“Sekolah mana?”

“SMK Sri Gading…”

“Owh… Seri Gading jer…”


I changed look with my fiancé. He holds my hands, asking me to be patient for just a little while. Where as my patience was fading! Then, that bitch started to write a report on a sheet of paper, with her head on her left arm, which she placed it on the table…. (alaaa… mcm orang yg dalam keadaan malas tue…)

I was like… ‘bitch! Is this the way you treats your patient???”
Then, she read my reference letter from the private clinic.
“Pandai2 je doctor ni kata ligament koyak…. Bukan betul sgt doctor swasta nih…”
Oh my God!! She needs a lesson!!!

Without further thinking, I took a deep breath and as I exhaled it out, I said these exact words…
“I guess, you were just assigned to be a doctor, am I right? I can see your ID number starts with 82..You are too young to understand that pain comes in many stages. What you’ve done just now was unethical, you were disgusting, you were acting like you know everything, plus you were just making a statement which suggested that I’m exaggerating things. Yes, I can’t walk and you as a doctor, you have to find the reason why!

Your graduate pointer mesti cukup2 makan kan? 2 pointer something I guess. You mmg takde kualiti, you know that? Without teachers, do you think you can have all this?

Talk about fashion, you are out!! You don’t have class. Pitiful. No one wearing red scarf with yellow baju kurung! Your heels are off the season. Oh my God, your make up is so disgusting!! You are annoying me… you are a doctor, but you can’t treat your own pimples. I want to get out of here and I want to see the director of this hospital, or your supervisor or who ever who is in charge!! Now!!”

Everything went so quite. The two doctors’ eyes were on me.
The bitch looked deadly stunned.

“Izal… tolak I keluar….”

Before I left the room, I gave that bitch one devilish smile. She looked so pale as if there isn’t any blood on her face.

Then I straight went to the Klinik Pakar 2, set my appointment with the orthopedic unit on this coming 21st of April, took my medications and left.

There was one thing I learned, no matter who you are, that doesn’t give you rights to look down to other peoples. Especially for the doctors. I am so disappointed, because once, a doctor comes from the hands of a teacher. It looks like the teacher had failed to mould the bitch to the right person. She was just tainted the profession of a doctor. She ruined everything. Another thing, if you think that you are in the right side~ don’t afraid to speak up. Give them your damn piece of mind.

p/s: still benci berganda dgn budak2 medic! Prejudis…..
budak medic selalu budget pandai….wekkk!

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To Be Forgiven.

Salam.

I am in the process of accepting and delegating with circumstances in life. Apart from the fact that life’s getting tougher each day, I try to be more absorbent. Who care if world’s changing, torn apart upside down?
I couldn’t care less.

Sighs…. ~my left foot still aching. Each time it hurt, the nerves sent me to my past memories of living my life.
Maybe it’s just a reminder from Allah.
That in any time, you could be tested with various turbulences.

Hmmm….
Happiness is the utmost necessity in my life…

I don’t mind if I have to beg for it….

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Flowery Me....

I dun need much in my life...

only three things...

love, money, wealth...

Hihihiiii... :)

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Traumatize…

Sometimes, the scar of your past wound will hunt you forever. So do I. I’m trying really hard to heal my old time cut but still, to no avail. The frustration and disappointment still lurking tragically in my heart. I can still feel the pain and until this very day, I can’t forget nor forgive everything that she has done to me.

Friendship had tainted my trust.
I’ve talked about this for so many times and yet, I still crying over the same story.
How could she… that’s the question that until now, she never answers.

Mind my hatred, but for give me, I can’t forgive you.

I’m not a perfect human and that imperfection makes me a devil.

I admit that I’m not as sweet as your girl next door.
Nor I am a person that brings such an angelical smile with daintily steps.

I’m just me.

Named me with every name that you could possibly think.

I’m not that upright kind of girl that you just could walk away from her after bashing her with endless humiliation.

I’m just me.

A ‘ME’ that will make you realizes that life is not just as sweet as you’ve been fairy-tale with.

Lord, forgive me…

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xox0... L.O.V.E


and with you...
makes me have less thing to say...
but much things to feel...
you touch me with your heart...
and that, makes me yours...

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Hanya Cerita Biasa…

Who loves you more than I do?
Who will fight for you more than I do?
Who will walk over the heat just to grab your hand and run with it?

You made me cry…
But with a simple word you can make me smile…

How amazing love can be…
When the world is just you and me…

p/s: August… InsyaALLAH… berkati kami Ya Allah…

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Have I been too harsh?

Have I lately hurt your feelings?
Playing rudely with your emotions?
Loosing respect of you?
………
If I did,
Forgive me… for I am merely human…
Being perfect is just not my way…

Forgive me…
I did that because I’m afraid
Of loosing what I have…
Of loosing what I have…
Of loosing
You…

p/s: Ne Me Quitte Pas...

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Owww...Ouchhhh!!!

Buzzz… Buzzz….

Update~update~!!

Salam. Hye to all. It’s been a long while, I guess.
Phewww… workloads made me mentally-numb. Life was upside-down these few weeks, health was terribly affected. Mind pressure some more.
Gimme a breakkk!!

Yeah… God did answer my pray.
Here I am. Lying on my bed for almost 4 days. Whining and baby-crying over my aching left foot~

Hi-heels malfunction, I should say.
Damn the modern days fashion victimizer!
Hate the fact that I love hi-heels damn much!!!
p/s: suke time sakit neh...ada yg sayang... gagaga... ;b

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