Another Broken-Heart Tale.

Salam.

Psychologists always say that you have to overcome your frustration and depression to stand back on your feet. Well, not that I’m not trying at all, it’s just that the whole world seems like turning its back on me. I feel really weak and tiny. My emotion is so vulnerable and I’m in the state where everything goes wrong with the flow that I make.

Yesterday, my best friend said that she already got her posting letter. She will be posted to Politeknik Merlimau and she will have to report duty on this coming 1st October. Urrggghhhh! Frankly speaking, I was totally and undisputedly s0o0o0oooo-s0o0ooooo upset and the feeling of envy enveloped me really badddd! (she is so lucky~ a KPT scholarship holder and she don’t have to wait in line like me and the rest of others PTPTN loaner.) Well now, can you imagine how unfair the opportunity trying to play trick on us? Again, we have to wait for the confirmation letter and someone from MOE said that we (PTPTN loaner) only can be posted early next year, maybe around January. (Can you imagine how sick it will be waiting for the placement???)

I am so puzzled.
Yet broken hearted.
Somehow, I feel like I’m losing the other half of me.
My spirit is flying away~ So long…
Why we have to suffer like this. This is really unfair. Why must someone who dying to be an educator like me has to go through a lot of obstacles and facing pile of freaky stuffs, struggling and fighting over own emotion (well, that just me…hehe) just to get a teeny weeny pay and totally unreasonable compared to the job that being overloaded unto teachers’ shoulder!

But those so called *desperado*, imitation kind of educators who always/usually/normally take this job for granted get a highway ride to the top? (You see, how badddd the emotion overloaded me…) they get a free pass! They didn’t go for the interview (well, they don’t have to-they are not required to!) when they first applied for the course * I’m talking about one specific university, here!*, plus they don’t have to sit for the killing interview. They are really the government pets. (What makes thing worst is-their proficiency is in doubt) *shhhhh….* (specifically talking about TESL peoples here… other courses~ no offence!)

And here I am, waiting for my posting letter (InsyaALLAH). Sitting alone, doing nothing, drawing my future with an invisible crayon. But I always believe that I am born to be a teacher. These 4 years of studying plus 3 month of training make me realize how fun and enjoyable teaching can be. It is really in my blood. I have gone through a lot, and I’m really praying that this will be paid.

Be patience~ they advised me with tons of motivational words. Thanks for those who really care and understand my passion. Yes, I will always have this passion and patience inside my soul. I always believe that somehow, somewhere there will be a place for a great teacher like me. *smile*

Please, please note that I am really frustrated while I’m typing these words down-so no offence! Huhu! *pouring out my heart broken lullaby*

:: maklong said my brain is damaging due to the failure of myself trying to cope with this kind of fatal depression and focus distraction::