Tuesday, August 26, 2008

TO HELL~ (with thousands of love)

Quite a quirk title to start with, is I’m right?
(yeah… like I care!)

I found out that teaching works backward with me.
Is it really ME or the students nowadays are becoming more and more aggressive?

Every time I walk into the class—I was like “am I doing the right thing???”

Ask me the same question, 10 years ago. My answer will be “Yessss! I wanna be a teacher!!!!!!!”
But now…
I’m going to be like…errr….aaaa….uuuuu….ermmmmm….

In my whole life, I have never ever played rude to my teachers. Not a single time, but my students (especially the students from the ‘brilliant’ class) they were so0o0o ytghfnkjchbctfbn#####%^#@%*(^$@ tuTTTTTTT!!!!!!

Inhale. Exhale.

God. Grant me patience and determination, as my spirit goes thinner, and as my willing goes fader.

God, if YOU have already stated up there that this is my fate to be the educational servant, then this is my will to serve the best for my country, religion and my nation.

Help me my All mighty.
For YOU is the only one I lay my hope upon, I pour out my heart to.

Bless me Allah.
And help me, to walk this winding road.

Amin ya rabbal al amin.

What’s Wrong If He Likes To Cook?

~to another educative visit to a book store.
And as usual, I went to my favorite spot—The New Arrivals.
Caught a glimpse of Stephen King’s new masterpiece—have a good looked on its price~tata goodbye. Too expensive. Can’t afford it (Orr… should I say—the price is too actually-I can afford it-but hey-there’s a voluptuous handbag: Think twice~kind of price) got what I mean? :)

I noticed that he was missing—my fiancé I mean. Where was he?
Owhh… there he was. Standing secretively behind the book rack with a big signboard “COOKING AND DECORATING”.
I’m puzzled. What on earth did he do back there?
Gingerly moving towards him, I noticed that he was holding a portable size of a cooking book—international dishes with this big warm smile drawn over his face. Such an angel when he smiles like that.

He was flipping over the book, with a fusion feeling of excitement and enjoyment.
His eyes were as big as a seagull’s egg and I can literally see that his heart is pumping and beating faster than ever.

Then I realized one thing—for all this while, I’m trying to stop him from what he loves doing most. He likes cooking and he is really good in that. He has a hand of a great chef and he knows that he can do better with that.
It will always be me, who tries to stop him from continue cooking because I’m kind of think that cooking is only for women, not for men. I keep on denying the fact that great chef are mostly men. But when I saw him over-exciting like that, when I saw him smiling and his big eyes were shining, I just knew that I made a huge mistake.

I slowly moved behind him, spying on his action before I put my hand on his back.
He turned around, quickly replaced the book on its place and smiled.
“Got yours, darl?”
I shook my head.
“But I got one for you…”
I took the cooking book from its shelf and then I put it in his hands.
“You are the best chef in my life…”
He laughed. A sweet, quick and angelic laugh.
He melts my heart every time he does that.
“My treat… I know you love to cook, aite? Next time around, I want you to cook your best meals for me, aite?”
He smiled. Then we both laughed.
As we walked to the counter, I took a glance over his face and I saw him smiling widely. I knew that I mended his heart that day, and I just realized that there’s nothing wrong if your fiancé/husband/boyfriend loves to cook.
Aite? :)

YOU’VE GOT ME SERVED!(To whom it may concerned)

Insanity almost fooled me and this is what I’m regretted for.
I’m so fucked up when I learned that for all this while I’ve been cheated, almost humiliated, back stabbed and the worst is, I’ve been betrayed by my own good buddy. And the same old cut hurts me again. (ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!)

I wish I could throw my tantrums on her very face.
I wish I could kill her over and over again, so that she will know how regret I am, how hurt I am, how disappointed I am, the moment I knew that she is turning her back against me.

Look what I’ve done to her.
I transformed her into such a person.
I magically tuned her from an ugly duckling to a beau-ti-fool woman I’ve ever seen.
And look, what she has got me paid!

I will never ever trust others again.
Not even a single blink of an eye.

I have learned enough and I have my lesson very loud and clear.

She hurts me, and this time she hurts me really deep.

If she happens to read this, I just want you to know that if I can erase you from my memory, I will willingly doing so.
But life is just an art of drawing without an eraser.

And you will remain there, in my darkest past forever.

Thanks for your tainted friendship.
I have enough.

Friday, August 22, 2008

BAHASA ~paradigma yg beranjak...

pemberian seseorang yg istimewa.diulangi i s t i m e w a.. ;)
.kadangkala.terlalu asyik berblog dgn bahasa penjajah.saya lupa indahnya bahasa sendiri.
manusia mmg begitu.
senang lupa pada sesuatu yg biasa.
saya telah diajar begitu.
hebat sgtlah tu.speaking memanjang tu!marah seorang kawan.
taklah.aku tak rasa apepun.nanti jarang praktis,aku jadi tak fasih la.saya membalas santai.tanpa niat mahu membakar jiwa.
berlagak kau!mati sok org baca talkin guna bahasa omputeh ker?.kata2 kawan buat saya bungkam.
tak gunasss btol mulut kau!!.balas saya.tapi cuma dalam hati.
dia sgt benci bila saya gunakan bahasa kedua saya ini.(errr...kalau bahasa jawa boleh dikira sbg bahasa kedua saya, maka bahasa inggeris ini boleh dikira sbg bahasa ketiga saya...).katanya saya berlagak.malu berbahasa sendiri.tunjuk pandai.
bahasa martabatkan bangsa.kalau kau asek cakap omputeh manjang,mcmana bangsa nak maju!!!
saya pula sgt sensitif dgn isu bangsa.jgn bercakap pasal bangsa kalau kita sendiri tidak tahu apa makna 'bangsa'. lagi2, orang seperti teman yg sejarah waktu SPM cuma takat lulus,jgn sibuk bercakap pasal bangsa.
kalau semua org Malaysia mcm kau,yg pandai menghentam jer tapi xder ape2 sumbangan, laaaaagilah bangsa kita susah nak maju!kawan saya jd terdiam.mukanya merah.tahan marah.padan muka kau!!

Thursday, August 21, 2008


my twin will never hate me... ;)

And for some peoples, I can instantly guess the reason why they hate me so much, but for some others, I just don’t have a clue.
Why they hate me so much? Did I do something that annoyed them? Or it’s just their nature to hate others without reason?

A series of events happened in my life really opens my eyes widely than I thought I was before this. The chain of unexpected occurrences just popped out and forced me to cling over the edge.

I always follow my heart in whatever I do.
I’ve been conditioned to not make mistake, but seriously, I can’t live that way. Perhaps, a better claim of my life ahead is much promising than doing nothing challenging, discreetly making decision and play safe in a life stake kind of event.

People easily get bored in the process of understanding me. Once they have made their own conclusion about myself, they will lead me or at least shape me to a person they wanted me to be, but hey… don’t you use your brain? I’m not a machine. I’m a very alive human being who is capable to think and to take care of my own life. That’s why, once they saw me change into something they don’t want me to be (or at least what they expected me to be) they will throwing tantrums. Saying that I’m an ungrateful human and all.

I was just being ME.
Nothing can step in my way of becoming who am I really wanted to be.

I’m not forcing them to like me; I just want them to understand me.

Is that too much to ask for???


Dear Alumni,
UPM is delighted to get connected to you. We are proud to send this Greetings to our Alumni. Do come back to the Alma mater and be a part of UPM Alumni Community. We'd like to hear from you.

All the Best!

Prof.Datuk Dr Nik Mustapha R.Abdullah
Vice Chancellor
(Alumni Class'76)

huuuuuuuuu.... rindu UPM.... :"((

Yang Tercinta...

Truly saying~
I have never found such a great man like you. Who always willing to shine me over the dim light of my own, a man who will always walks beside me and shows me the way like you are pointed by God to be my guardian angel.

A true courage and love is engraved deep inside my heart as a token of immortal love and passion towards the only man I love in my entire life.

I owe you my soul, my love…

I love you--

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


I just bought five books in Shopaholic’s Series, which I want to finish it before the end of this year. Could I make it? Perhaps I could if I’m not burdened by workload and all.
Reading is a prestige way to evacuate boredom. Maybe you should try to read something when you feel all alone and you kind of thought that your brain might a little bit rusty. Brush it off with reading.
It works well on me. Hehe…

A SILLY MAN!! (Silly Pt.2)

About four days ago, a stranger (who WAS unfortunately in my friend list in FRIENDSTER) messaged me.

He never been my friend before, which I guess perhaps I approved him to be in my friend list by coincident.

He wrote silly things, using square words and all~

I busted into laughter.
He did petrify me with his dumbness.

Yeahhh… I know you adore me too much, that’s why you were acting that way.

You adore me but you can’t have me, aren’t you?


SILLY…SILLY…SILLY… (me) (Silly Pt.1)

I was really in the mood of reading.
The weather was good, the time was right and I was about to expand my knowledge and capability to deal with euphemism language when suddenly a big surprise jolted me up.

I was actually reading the same book~only with a different title.

It is all the same from page to page!!!

I felt like I’m being cheated!


ini buku...(lain tajuk...)

sama dengan ini buku....

p/s: rasa spt mahu makan nasik sambil tumbuk perut lipas!!

When Love Hits Me...


Sometimes, when we are too stressed we tend to do something that completely out of our mind. We may do silly things and to worsen it, because we do not know how to turn back, we just carry with it.

I’ve been loved by peoples who shouldn’t or not supposedly have to love me.
How am I able to reject that? To evacuate those sweet feelings they showered me by?

Sometimes, I cry miserably.
Just because I’m vulnerable to a problem that only I can solve, my feelings deceive me.

I love my fiancé.
No doubt.
But how can I control myself when other loves are peeping around the corner of my heart?

Love blemishes my heart.
p/s: I love someone other than my fiancé

Forbidden Love~

“apepun yang jadi, I taknak u lupakan i…”

“tak…I takkan lupakan u…”

He held my hand and squeezed it really tight.
He looked into my eyes as if he was saying that he loves me but in any way, we just couldn’t be together.

It happened in just 40 seconds. Approximately 40 seconds, but it does leave a scar in my heart. A scar that will bleed every time I think of him.

He will always be special in my life. A throne that no one else could be questioned about. A secluded space in my heart specifically designed for him, and he will stay there forever, untouched by sin and untainted by cruelty of love. He will remain there as a missing piece in my heart, which each time we get together, it will be completed.

It has been a year and a half since we last met, and yesterday (18/8/08) we met.

Who is he?
I will leave that question unanswered.

“Em, I mcm brhnti brnafas jap tadi bile u pgng tgn i.mcm x cye je…”

For the very first time in my life, I cried because of a man that I know I can’t be together with…

p/s: it’s bleeding….

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Spendthrift (pt.2)

It was fun, it was fun, when shopping we doubled up the fun!!!
(My favorite humming words!!Hihi…)

Oh my God~ I just can’t stop!
A shopaholic I must say—and I’ve no feeling of regret after all.

It started with a small talk between me and Dell and we ended up racing from one bricked store to another, hunting for the latest fashion outfits, shoes and bags!!
Payday is just around the corner and we have already celebrated it!

I am so-so-so super excited when it comes to spending money plus burn few kilos walking non-stoppable for almost 5 hours! Can you imagine??

Occay~ call me crazy but I rather call myself a definite spendthrift. (puke…puke…)


Turquoise Petite Hobo from SUMMIT RM79.90
Gold Stilettos from SUMMIT RM59.90
Metallic Turquoise Strap Heels from
Ready-made Baju Kurung from
Norris Collections RM65.00
Make ups from MAYBELLINE RM29.90

TOTAL RM284.60


Make ups from MAYBELLINE RM49.90
Love by Morgan EDT RM129.90
Life by Esprit EDT RM123.90
Aventurine Crystal bangle RM189.90
G/Phantom Crystal bangle RM89.90

TOTAL RM583.50

Oh my GOD~

See where my money goes…

See where I did my saving scheme…



Monday, August 4, 2008

As Far As I’m Concern


Teacher’s room has been the most chaotic place ever exists in my school.
The living source of all the gossip things around my work place.
All sorts of true and untrue captivating stories are most likely to be found there.

I am in the center of denial~

I hate seeing people mentally killed by each other. When rumors are spread, the consequences are lethal too. Being differentiated only by one’s capability to face the news, its blooming is out of control.

I myself am not excluded.

Being labeled the most up-to-date teacher is not a pride that I deserved to get.
It’s burdening me sometimes it’s eating me inside out.

Peoples are pretentious.
I have working there long enough to point out those who on my side and those who are not.
But I just don’t give it a damn.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Well, if I did~ I don’t have to say sorry for that.

I guess they just couldn’t stand seeing me beautifully carved my fame and grace into a living legacy. Then that is their problem. Not mine.

And as for me, there is almost nothing could stop me from being ME.